Shame (emotion)

Shame (also called ignominy) is the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself". Therapist John Bradshaw calls shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite".

Characterizing shame

Shame vs. guilt

There is no standard distinction between shame and guilt. The cultural anthropologist Ruth Benedict describes shame as a violation of cultural or social values while feelings of guilt arise from violations of internal values. It is possible to feel ashamed of thought or behavior that no one knows about as well as feeling guilty about actions that gain the approval of others. However, in Facing Shame, therapists Fossum and Mason state "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." Shame is needed to establish limits, in childhood, since young children are unable to associate cause and effect by themselves. However, as children become better able to judge their own actions, guilt becomes the conscience former. Although, in general, guilt guides adult consciences, intrinsic shame is often present in adults too.

Shame vs. embarrassment

Shame differs from embarrassment in that it does not necessarily involve public humiliation: one can feel shame for an act known only to oneself, but in order to be embarrassed, one's actions must be revealed to others. Also, shame carries the connotation of a response to qualities that are considered morally wrong, whereas one can be embarrassed regarding actions that are morally neutral but socially unacceptable. Another view of shame and embarrassment is that the two emotions lie on a continuum and only differ in intensity. The wish to sink into the ground and disappear from view, to hide oneself from eyes that witness one's embarrassment or humiliation is common to both.

Toxic shame

Psychologists often use the term "toxic" shame to describe false, and therefore, pathological shame. Therapist John Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse. Incest and other forms of child sexual abuse can cause particularly severe toxic shame. Toxic shame often induces what is known as complex trauma in children who cannot cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who dissociate the shame until it is possible to cope with.

Shamery (and shaming) is often associated with torture (see the psychology of torture). It is also a central feature of punishment, shunning, or ostracism. In addition, shame is often seen in victims of child neglect, child abuse and a host of other crimes against children. Parental incest is considered by child psychologists to be the ultimate form of shaming.

Religious shame

In the Milgram experiment, described in the book Obedience to Authority, pp. 48-49, Stanley Milgram described one of a very few individuals in the entire series of experiments who was able to successfully resist authority without experiencing feelings of shame. This subject, a professor of religion, explained that his reason for being able to resist unjust authority with equanimity came from his religious faith. The subject explained that "If one has [God] as one's ultimate authority ... then it trivializes human authority." Milgram wrote that "the answer for this man lies in the repudiation of authority, not in the substitution of good -- that is[,] divine -- authority for bad."

Vicarious shame

Psychologists recently introduced the notion of vicarious shame, which refers to the experience of shame on behalf of another person. Individuals vary in their tendency to experience vicarious shame, which is related to neuroticism and to the tendency to experience personal shame. Extremely shame-prone people might even experience vicarious shame even to an increased degree, in other words: shame on behalf of another person who is already feeling shame on behalf of a third party (or possibly on behalf of the individual proper).

W. Parrot Model of Emotions
Primary emotions	Secondary emotions	Tertiary emotions
Love
	Affection	adoration, affection, attraction, caring, compassion, fondness, liking, love, romance, sentimentality, tenderness,
	Lust	arousal, desire, ecstasy, lust, passion, infatuation
	Longing	longing
Joy
	Contentment	Contentment, pleasure, happiness
	Enthrallment	enthronement, rapture
	Pride	pride, triumph
	Optimism	eagerness, hope, optimism
	Relief	relief
	Zest	enthusiasm, zeal, less, excitement, thrill, exhilarating
Surprise
	Surprise	amazement, surprise, astonishment
Anger
	Irritation	aggravation, irritation, education, annoyance, grouchiness, grumpiness
	Exasperation	exasperating, frustration
	Disgust	disgust, revulsion, contempt
	Rage	anger, rage, outrage, fury, rat, hostility, ferocity, hate, loathing, scorn, Spike, faithfulness, dislike, presentment
	Envy	envy, jealousy
	Torment	torment
Sadness
	Disappointment	dismay, disappointment, displeasure
	Neglect	alienation, isolation, neglect, loneliness, rejection, home sickness, defeat, detection, insecurity, embarrassment, humiliation, insult
	Sadness	depression, despair, hopelessness, gloom, loneliness, sadness unhappiness, grief, sorrow, woe, Missouri, melancholy
	Shame	guilt, shame, regret, remorse
	Suffering	agony, suffering, hurt, malaise
	Sympathy	pity, sympathy
Fear
	Horror	alarm, shock, fear, fright, or Caarol, panic, hysteria, mortification
	Nervousness	apprehension, anxiety, distressed, dread nervousness, phobia, tenseness, uneassiness, tremor, worry, distressed, dread

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