Infidelity

Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating) is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship.

What constitutes a significant-enough breach of such a relationship to be considered infidelity or cheating depends on the nature of the relationship, e.g. whether the relationship is or has been understood by the partners to be monogamous or, by contrast, whether the relationship is defined as open, in which case the question of the person having "cheated" may be open to dispute between the partners. In general, though, by default, most committed relationships involving sex that have not involved discussion of the permissibility of other partners are automatically assumed monogamous, and breach of that commitment induces emotional pain and problems in the relationship. "Cheating" is generally understood to be a blatant violation of the implicit good faith contract of a typical sexually-intimate relationship, a betrayal of shared core values with which the integrity and nature of the relationship is defined, sometimes even if the actions undertaken while "cheating" are not technically sexual in nature (for example, a man being emotionally intimate with a woman who is not his girlfriend, or french kissing her).

There are two areas in a close relationship where infidelity mostly occurs: physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. In sexual infidelity, the impact is said to be not only about sex outside the relationship, but also about trust, betrayal, lying and disloyalty. What makes infidelity so painful is the fact that it involves someone deliberately using deception to violate established expectations within a relationship.

Sexual infidelity refers to sexual activity with someone other than the partner to which one is committed. Sexual infidelity in marriage is called adultery, philandery or an affair, while in other interpersonal relationships it may be called "cheating". A man whose wife has committed adultery is referred to as a cuckold, while a woman whose husband has cheated on her is known as a cuckquean.

What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner in the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of that relationship.

Emotional infidelity is emotional involvement with another person, a process which leads one’s partner to channel emotional resources, such as romantic love, time, and attention, to someone else. With the association of multi-user dimensions the level of intimate involvement has extended from in-person involvement to online affairs. Emotional infidelity, as compared to physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. To make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal.

Infidelity and the Internet

The rise of the internet and technology in general provide new challenges for modern couples. According to the Global Internet Statistics in 2003, internet population around the world has grown exceptionally fast in less than a decade, rising from 16 million users in 1995 to approximately 680 million in late 2003. Millions of such users are married individuals who use the Internet to meet strangers, flirt, and many times engage in highly sexualized conversations.

Research on internet infidelity is a relatively new field of interest. It is difficult to classify any type of sexual interaction via the internet as infidelity because it lacks the physical aspect. In their book, “The Philosophy of Sex", Alan Soble and Nicholas Power speculate about the internet, infidelity and culture, “According to the dominant account in our culture, the paradigm case of what counts as sex is heterosexual intercourse, where a man and women engage in a particularly intimate form of physical contact, in which a penis penetrates a vagina. This case is paradigmatic in that it organizes social judgments about which other activities count as sexual, and also connects to dominant views about what sex is normal, natural and good."

A study done by Hinke A. K. Groothof, Pieternel Dijkstra and Dick P. H. Barelds called “Sex Differences in Jealousy: The Case of Internet Infidelity" explores the differences between consequences of online infidelity versus offline, and the processes that underlie it, for both partners and/or the relationship. It also examines consistency among sex differences and jealousy in relation to the type of infidelity. The study utilized a sample of 335 Dutch undergraduate students involved in serious intimate relationships. The participants were presented with four dilemmas concerning a partner’s emotional and sexual infidelity over the internet. They found a significant sex difference as to whether participants chose sexual and emotional infidelity as more upsetting. More men then women indicated that a partner’s sexual involvement would upset them more than a partner’s emotional bonding with someone else. Similarly, in the dilemma involving infidelity over the internet, more men indicated their partner’s sexual involvement would upset them more than a partner’s emotional bonding with someone else.

Chat Rooms and Infidelity

The newfound popularity of internet chat rooms has contributed largely to infidelity. Never before has it been so easy to engage in the dating scene and meet people while maintaining the stability of marriage. Chat rooms provide a dilemma because some view them as a forum for fantasies and illusions that are simply just communication rather than physical acts. In a sense, they are a place where married individuals can engage in guilt-free excitement. However, everyone feels differently, leading to extreme gray areas.

A study by Beatriz Lia Avila Mileham in 2004 examined the phenomenon of online infidelity in chat rooms, a process whereby individuals involved in a long-term committed relationship seek computer synchronous, interactive contact with opposite-sex members. The following factors were investigated: (a) what elements and dynamics online infidelity involves and how it happens; (b) what leads individuals specifically to the computer to search for a relationship ‘‘on the side’’; (c) whether individuals consider online contacts as infidelity and why or why not; and (e) what dynamics chat room users experience in their marriages. The results lead to three constructs that symbolize chat room dynamics and serve as a foundation for internet infidelity. They include:

• Anonymous Sexual Interactionism refers to these individuals’ predilection for anonymous interactions of a sexual nature in chat rooms. The allure of anonymity gains extra importance for married individuals, who can enjoy relative safety to express fantasies and desires without being known or exposed.

• Behavioral Rationalization denotes the reasoning that chat room users present for conceiving their online behaviors’ as innocent and harmless (despite the secrecy and highly sexual nature).

• Effortless Avoidance involves chat room users’ avoidance of psychological discomfort by exchanging sexual messages with strangers. Happily married individuals also join such rooms.

More information is available at [ Wikipedia:Infidelity ]

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