Spankee training

A young woman submitting obediently to a bare-bottom spanking. AI-generated art by Spankart (2023).

Spankee training refers to any training of a spankee by the spanker as to how they should behave a) in general, at all times, and b) specifically before, during, and/or after a spanking, if not instructed otherwise.

Spankee training is about teaching rules and behavior patterns, making the intended behavior a fixed habit.

• In consensual spanking, the spankee can be taught and trained to stay in position or to count during the scene, for example.
• Usually, to a much lesser extent, spankee training also exists in non-consensual (disciplinary) spanking.
• Spankee training is also a common trope in spanking fiction.

General

A boy receives instruction from his father. Illustration from Harper's magazine, 1900.

Spankee training gives the spanker a strong position of dominance over the spankee. Some spankers like to expect perfect compliance and submissive behavior from the person being punished and train them how to behave as expected. And spankees in consensual spanking often like to undergo such training. Within the spankophile community, in roleplay and in spanking fiction, spankee training is often much stricter than what is normally found in real life. The stricter the rules, the more opportunity there is for corrective action.

The training will usually involve instruction, correction, reward and punishment. It can begin with the most elementary thing upon which all else can be built: Obedience. The spankee will be accustomed to receiving commands and obeying them immediately and without hesitation. Such commands can be, for a start, things like "come here," "stand before me," "look at me," "get up," "sit down," "show me your hands," "hold still," or "turn around," commands that relate to daily hygiene tasks (e.g. "wash your hands," "brush your teeth"), to getting dressed, to do household chores, and finally also to punishment, such as "go to your room," "stand in the corner," "nose to the wall," "hands on your head," "bend over" or "over my lap".

The disciplinarian may begin by praising obedience and punishing only complete disobedience. Then, the severity of the regime can be gradually increased by expecting more and more perfection in executing the command. The means of achieving such perfection are known from all forms of training, such as music, dance, sport and military: By giving them immediate feedback on their performance and letting them practice the given task (such as assuming a certain body pose) over and over again until they can do it flawlessly.

Regular, perhaps daily, inspections can be held to check the spankee's body, clothes, and places under their responsibility (such as their bedroom) for cleanliness and tidiness. Regular, perhaps daily, behavior reviews can also be carried out to monitor the spankee's behavior and take corrective action if necessary.

Where is Spankee training found?

In consensual spanking

In consensual spanking, spankee training usually begins early in what may become a long-term relationship between two adults play partners. They may or may not have a formal punishment agreement, such as in domestic discipline. If they plan to engage in regular power exchange in which spanking is integral, it makes sense to train the spankee to be the best they can be. This will also help the spanker learn how best to instruct and teach the spankee so that both benefit from the training. In most cases, both partners enjoy the spankings, either erotically or on other levels, and then they can also enjoy such training and make use of its various benefits.

The details of this training will typically be very individual. They will depend on the type of relationship. Spankee training can happen between two adult roles, as in D/s and domestic discipline relationships, but also goes well with ageplay, such as Mommy/boy or Daddy/girl relationships, other parent-child and teacher-student scenarios.

Since it is consensual, the play partners will consider both of their preferences, soft and hard limits. They can either talk about and develop the details of the rules and training together or leave it to one of them to work everything out. Ideas can be found, for example, in spanking literature, or in the section "Examples" below.

Training roleplay

The Struggle, artwork by Rude Rumps.

Suppose the partners like roleplaying, part of the spankee's training may also include how to roleplay, ageplay, and how to pretend non-consensuality in a convincing way that doesn't feel like bad acting. The spankee can be trained to act and behave like a character of their play age, such as childish or like an adolescent.

Many aspects like language, emotional prosody, body language, and facial expression can be given attention, and how noisy the spankee is when in pain (and when they get near to orgasm in sexual BDSM play).

Training non-compliance

In the classic case, spankee training means training compliance, obedience, and good behavior. However, some people like to roleplay scenarios where the spankee is naughty, defiant or bratty. In this case, it may be helpful to make it part of the training to practice this, for example:

• to act disrespectful and disobedient, so that there is a good reason for them to need to be punished,
• to try to resist being spanked (but in a way that lets the spanker always win in the end),
• to struggle, wriggle and squirm and try (in vain) to escape the spanker's grip while being spanked,

if the partners enjoy this game.

Pain endurance training

The following is not precisely training a "behavior," but perhaps it also deserves mention: The spankee can be gradually taught to tolerate more pain (and still enjoy it). Methods for this can be adopted and adapted from professional sports training, for example. Much of it is mental rather than physical training.

Retraining

When a spankee and a new spanker come together, the spankee may have to unlearn some rules and habits from previous training (with an earlier partner) and learn new ones instead. This is spankee retraining.

In non-consensual spanking

"About to get a spanking," rendered art by CopyKats (2020).

The concept of spankee training also exists, usually to a much lesser degree, in non-consensual (disciplinary) spanking, but it would never be called such there.

Since about the mid-1900s, the average parent who includes spanking in their parenting toolkit will reserve this punishment for rare, exceptional cases. Even if they are strict, they wouldn't think much of drilling their children on how to behave before, during, and after a spanking, other than at most some basic guidelines that boil down to compliance, such as:

• If you've got yourself into trouble, it's a good idea to show regret and obedience now so that you don't make things worse.
• If you are found guilty and told you would be spanked, don't make a scene. Do as you are told, and don't try to run away.
• Don't give your disciplinarian any trouble. When they tell you to get into the spanking position, and/or to drop your pants, comply.
• While you receive the spanking, do your best to hold still and bear the pain. Part of your punishment is knowing that it is up to your disciplinarian to decide when your punishment is over, not you.
• Getting spanked is a very humiliating and painful experience, so let it not be in vain and use it as a valuable lesson. Think about why your behavior was wrong. Feel regret and learn from it to avoid such misbehavior in the future.
• Do not be angry with the person who spanked you. It is part of their job to punish you when necessary.

Institutions that use or used corporal punishment, such as schools, boarding schools, the military, reformatories and prisons, usually have more formal rules than parents' home rules. Typically, such institutions teach their students, soldiers, or prisoners these rules collectively, not individually.

In spanking fiction

Mary's bare bottomed hairbrush-spanking was under way.

Spank after crisp spank impacted the child's bare bottom, and Mary began to yelp and howl and cry as her poor fanny was painted with bright red ovals of burning pain. It hurt, and she wiggled and squirmed her nine-year-old body over her disciplinarian's soft lap, kicking her small legs up and down. (The fetter of her little booted pajamas made kicking her feet impossible).

And yet her hands remained clasped before her, as if in prayer. Mary made no move whatsoever to cover up or defend her poor bare bummy in any way. Heather was amazed and horrified -- what terrible punishments had the Thomas's inflicted on the poor child in the past to restrain her little hands so completely?

Heather decided she didn't want to know.

– Excerpt from Collegegirl, chapter 2, by Lurking Dragon (1999).

Spankee training is, above all, a prevalent theme found in spanking fiction and popular with readers or audiences of that genre. The details are then entirely up to the author, and will typically strongly reflect—and perhaps parody or exaggerate—the time and culture of the story's setting. For example, spankee training in a novel that is set in "England 1920" will differ in many ways from "America 1960" and "Japan 1990". In stories set in the future or on other worlds, such as those found in spanking science fiction and fantasy, a spanking fiction writer may explore anything in his or her imagination regarding how spankees are trained and disciplined.

Examples

The following are some examples of what is typically found in spanking fiction, often set in a strict home or boarding school during the 1800s or early 1900s where the spankee(s) are minors and/or domestic servants. At the same time, the spankers include parents, governesses, teachers, or employers. Similar strict disciplinary systems can also be observed in future worlds such as the Rejuve Universe. Generally, not all of these training aspects will appear in a single work, as that would be excessive, but it is common to select a few elements.

Some behavioral rules to be trained are easier to follow and some are harder, especially during the spanking.

Behavior in general

• Obedience to the person or people in authority. Compliance. No disrespect or talking back, and no outright disobedience or resistance.
• Respect and politeness. Speaking correctly, without profanity or swear words. Addressing people properly and respectfully.
• Listening attentively, learning eagerly, and practicing diligently.
• Feeling and expressing gratitude.
• Apologizing when one has made a mistake.
• Asking for permission before doing something on your own initiative that might not be allowed. Or might not be permitted now.
• Asking politely for more detailed instructions if necessary.
• Patience when one must wait. Not interrupting people.
• Mindfulness: Knowing what others are doing and what needs to be done; not getting in other people's way; offering help; and thinking ahead.
• Handling objects with care and minimal noise, e.g., quietly opening and closing doors.
• Reporting the work status, chores and orders done, and any problems that may have arisen.
• Cleanliness and tidiness: Practicing everything that goes with good bodily hygiene. Leaving places one has used in a clean state and things clean and in their proper place.
• Good table manners.
• Deportment: How to hold themselves and look graceful. No fidgeting, nose picking, nail biting or other bad manners.
• Body language: How to express a lower status, for example, to look the disciplinarian in the eye and then to break eye contact.
• Gestures of respect, such as rising from one's seat when the person in authority enters or leaves the room, bowing, curtseying.
• How to stand in certain situations (e.g. when made to wait).
• Other poses to assume, e.g. for an inspection.
• Other bad habits not to do (e.g. whining, complaining) and serious offenses not to do (e.g. lying, stealing, vandalism).

Behavior before a spanking

Preparation for the rod, a boy and a governess. Artwork by Euticus (2012).

• When confronted with a wrongdoing, confessing to it. Willingness to recognize that it was wrong and why. Apologizing for it as a gesture of regret.
• Acceptance of punishment and the need to be punished to right a wrong and learn.
• No more speaking unless asked a question or ordered to say something.
• Cooperation with any preparation. For example, going to the location where the spanking will occur and the next items on this list.
• Pre-spanking rituals, e.g. having to fetch the implement, pre-spanking corner time (pre-punishment cool-down time), or the ritual of asking for punishment.
• To lift, pull down, and/or take off items of clothing without hesitation when told to.
• To assume specific spanking positions and to assume the position perfectly. (Each disciplinarian will have their own preferred spanking positions and ideas about their details, including how to get in, where to place one's hands and feet, and perhaps further aspects.)

Behavior during a spanking

A schoolgirl submits to corporal punishment in the classroom by keeping herself in position, bent over the desk. Artwork by CopyKats from the series Detention.

• Holding still and keeping in position.
• Keeping one's hands away from one's bottom. Also, keeping one's feet away.
• No excessive noise making, no screaming or howling. (Some noise such as 'ows' and not too loud crying can be permitted as a welcome response, though.)
• No excessive squirming or kicking. (Some squirming and helpless kicking can be permitted as a welcome response.)
• Keeping one's legs together, or apart, as instructed.
• No clenching the buttocks.
• No speaking during the punishment unless asked a question or ordered to say something. (Some disciplinarians permit spankees to exclaim how sorry they are or beg for the spanking to stop as a welcome response, while others expect spankees to remain quiet and not disturb them while they concentrate on the chastisement.)
• Counting the strokes if instructed to, and counting them properly.

Behavior after a spanking

Hands on head is a very popular position to make a spankee stand in before and/or after their spanking. Photo by Asa Jones (2022).

• No rubbing one's bottom unless explicitly permitted to.
• If dressed or partially undressed, remain in that state until told to dress again.
• Post-spanking rituals, e.g., post-spanking corner time, apologizing (once more), thanking for punishment, kissing the implement or the spanker's hand, perhaps early bedtime.
• Promise to mind the lesson learned and not repeat what one was punished for.
• With the return to regular daily routine, speaking will be permitted again, but the spankee may need some time to recover.
• Showing improved behavior and not holding grudges.

Linguistic and psychological tricks

Linguistic and psychological tricks that the disciplinarian can employ:

1. Give frequent and immediate feedback on the Spankee's performance.
2. Praise the Spankee a lot. Praise increases your status more than scolding and strongly reinforces the behavior for which one was praised.
3. Express your confidence in the spankee's ability to do what is required and well. Don't just wish for good performance, expect it.
4. Try not to raise your voice. Remaining calm is a sign of status. Being in control of yourself is the prerequisite for controlling the spankee.
5. Speak according to your role. Are you an educated and self-disciplined person, like a teacher or governess? Then, speak clearly, using good, correct grammar and pronunciation, and use a sophisticated vocabulary.
6. Call the spankee 'young man' or 'young lady' (it sounds respectful but underlines their immature status and reminds them to show the good manners and discipline of a gentleman or lady). You can also use belittling language if it suits your and their role.
7. Do not allow the spankee to touch you. You touch them, not the other way around. Touch them a lot, and check and adjust their clothes and posture.
8. Don't speak too simply, don't be too short, and don't hesitate to string two or three commands together in one sentence. For example, "Put your hands on your head, elbows to the sides, and stand in this corner, facing the corner." Such 'packages' can work better than single commands because single commands can be considered and questioned individually, whereas a 'package' can only be fulfilled completely or not.
9. If your dominant status is high, you can phrase commands in the future tense instead of the imperative mood. For example, instead of saying, "Stay like this until I call you.," the disciplinarian can say, "You will stay like this until I call you." Using the future tense implies that whatever you order will happen, and there is no question about it.
10. Control the Spankee's time. Make them wait between any two events. While waiting, they will wonder (anxiously) what will happen next and when. Don't let them know whether they'll be waiting a few seconds or several minutes, and don't let them know what you're doing (preparing) in the meantime.
11. Always give them the feeling that they can and will worsen their situation by not obeying perfectly.

Spankee training vs. slave training

Spankee training has some things in common but is also typically quite different from slave training found in BDSM relationships. Slave training will tend to involve a lot of BDSM play, e.g. bondage, gagging, "kinky"/fetish wear such as masks or harnesses, torture, wax play, electrostimulation, needle play, sensory deprivation. BDSM play also often includes sexual stimulation, sexual activity (e.g. forced masturbation), and/or sexual denial. BDSM slaves may be spanked, but that will rarely be their main type of play.

Spankophiles, on the other hand, tend to concentrate on spanking and, sometimes, milder forms of punishment that are or were typically used to discipline minors in real life, such as corner time or extra chores, especially when they are age-playing. They wouldn't think of calling the spankee a 'slave' and wouldn't think of doing any of the harsher and kinkier forms of play that are so common and popular in the BDSM community. They also often reject the visual stereotypes of the BDSM subculture, such as sexualized black "adult" fetish wear, and instead go for (adult-sized) schoolgirl or schoolboy clothes, short skirts, shorts, childish hairstyles, and similar.

There is certainly an overlap between the spankophile and the BDSM subcultures. Still, for most spankos, it would feel wrong to combine a form of punishment that is traditionally mainly used to discipline children with sexual play and things that are reminiscent of torture or sexual abuse, even if everything is completely safe, sane and consensual between consenting adults. From a BDSM point of view, it may feel wrong to ageplay a minor, which may feel somewhat like committing child abuse, even if, again, everything is completely safe, sane, and consensual between consenting adults.

There are also other types of consensual adult spanking, such as fun spanking, sensual spanking and erotic spanking. These tend to be more playful than discipline-oriented (even if discipline is their pretended nature) and, therefore, typically do not involve much in the way of spankee training.

Perhaps images can show the differences better than words:

• 

  How typical spankophile play looks (two adults roleplaying "a naughty schoolgirl gets a bare-bottom spanking over her teacher's knees"). Although we can assume the play satisfies the partner's spanking fetishes, nothing in the scene is sexualized, which allows the players to get into the intended ageplay feel.

• 

  How typical BDSM play looks (a Mistress whipping her two slaves) in a Biederer Studio photo from the 1930s. Here, nothing reminds of traditional adult/child punishment, and everything, including the fetish wear of the dominant, looks sexualized.

• 

  How typical erotic spanking looks. Both partners will often be naked, at least towards the end of the punishment, to maximise the sensual, erotic effect. There will usually be no ageplay, and sometimes no roleplay at all. Spanking and sexual activity will often be mixed.

See also

• How to run an institution with strict discipline
• Taking a spanking well