Mistress (lover)

A mistress or kept woman is a woman who is in a relatively long-term sexual and romantic relationship with someone who is married to a different person.

Description

A mistress typically engages in a long-term relationship with a person who is married to someone else and is often referred to as "the other woman. " Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, although the couple does not live together openly. While the relationship is often secret, this is not always the case. It often implies that the mistress might be "kept," meaning her lover pays all or some of her living expenses.

Historically, the term "mistress" referred to a "kept woman, " who was supported in a comfortable or even lavish lifestyle by a wealthy man to ensure her availability for his sexual pleasure. Such a woman could alternate between a mistress and a courtesan depending on her circumstances. In contrast, the word "lover" was used when the illicit female partner was married to another man.

In modern contexts, the word "mistress" primarily refers to the female lover, married or unmarried, of a married person, excluding the implications of a kept woman. When referring to an unmarried woman, the term "mistress" is generally not used. Instead, it is common to refer to an unmarried woman as a "girlfriend" or "partner, " while a married woman is typically called a "lover. "

The term "mistress" was originally used as the neutral feminine counterpart to "mister" or "master. " When referring to individuals of higher social status, it denoted the woman married to the owner or renter of the house and was a term of deferential respect.

History

Domitila de Castro was the long-term mistress of Emperor Pedro I of Brazil. The historically best-known and most-researched mistresses are the royal mistresses of European monarchs, including Agnès Sorel, Diane de Poitiers, Barbara Villiers, Nell Gwyn, Madame de Montespan, and Madame de Pompadour. The practice of keeping a mistress in Europe was not limited to royalty and nobility; it extended down through the social ranks to any man who could afford it. Any man who could afford a mistress could have one (or more), regardless of his social position. A wealthy merchant or a young noble could have a kept woman. Being a mistress was typically an occupation for a younger woman who, if she were fortunate, might marry her lover or another man of rank.

The ballad "The Three Ravens" (published in 1611 but possibly older) extols the loyal mistress of a slain knight who buries her dead lover and then dies from the exertion, as she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. The ballad-maker assigned this role to the knight's mistress ("leman" was the term commonly used at the time) rather than to his wife.

In the courts of Europe, particularly at Versailles and Whitehall during the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded significant power and influence. A king might have numerous mistresses but typically maintained a single "favourite mistress" or "official mistress" (in French, maîtresse-en-titre), as seen with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour. The mistresses of both Louis XV (especially Madame de Pompadour) and Charles II were often perceived to exert considerable influence over their lovers, with these relationships being open secrets. Beyond wealthy merchants and kings, Alexander VI serves as one example of a Pope who kept mistresses. While the extremely wealthy might keep a mistress for life (as George II of Great Britain did with "Mrs Howard", even after they were no longer romantically involved), this was not the case for most kept women.

In 1736, when George II was newly ascendant, Henry Fielding (in Pasquin) has his Lord Place say, "[...] but, miss, everyone now keeps and is kept; there are no such things as marriages nowadays, unless merely Smithfield contracts, and that for the support of families; but then the husband and wife both take into keeping within a fortnight. "

Sometimes the mistress holds a financially and socially superior position compared to her lover. As a widow, Catherine the Great was known to have had several successive relationships during her reign; however, like many powerful women of her era, despite being a widow free to marry, she opted not to share her power with a husband, choosing instead to maintain absolute power independently.

In literature, D. H. Lawrence's 1928 novel Lady Chatterley's Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband's gamekeeper. Until recently, a woman taking a socially inferior lover was considered much more shocking than the reverse situation.

20th century

As divorce became more socially acceptable, it became easier for men to divorce their wives and marry women who, in earlier years, might have been their mistresses. The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men, particularly the wealthy. Occasionally, men married their mistresses. The late Sir James Goldsmith, upon marrying his mistress, Lady Annabel Birley, declared, "When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. "

In literature

In both John Cleland's 1748 novel Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe's 1722 Moll Flanders, as well as in countless novels of feminine peril, the distinction between a "kept woman" and a prostitute is all-important.

Defenders of the practice of keeping mistresses referenced the tradition in the ancient Near East of maintaining a concubine; they often cited verses from the Old Testament to demonstrate that mistress-keeping was an age-old custom that was, if not acceptable, at least understandable. John Dryden, in Annus Mirabilis, posited that the king's practice of keeping mistresses and producing illegitimate children stemmed from his vast generosity and spirit. In its darker form, the theme of being "kept" frequently underlies the narratives about women as victims in 18th century novels in England, whether in the works of Eliza Haywood or Samuel Richardson, whose heroines in Pamela and Clarissa face threats of sexual degradation and find themselves reduced to the status of mere kept objects.

With the Romantics of the early 19th century, the subject of "keeping" becomes more problematic, in that a non-marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman's free choice and a noble alternative. Mary Ann Evans (better known as George Eliot) defiantly lived "in sin" with a married man, partially as a sign of her independence of middle-class morality. Her independence required that she not be "kept".

More information is available at [ Wikipedia:Mistress_(lover) ]

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