BDSM glossary

BDSM trefoil

This glossary of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) terms defines terms "commonly used" in the BDSM community.

BDSM activities are described as play in BDSM terminology.

The BDSM term is a portmanteau acronym intended to take in all of the following activities:

Bondage and Discipline play (B & D or B/D)
Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s) (including "master and slave" role-playing scenarios and ongoing relationship structures)
Sadism and Masochism (S & M or S/M)

BDSM glossary

24/7: A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mindspace of a different species, typically a dog, pony or horse.
Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
Adult baby/diaper lover (ABDL): A form of ageplay; adult babies receive gratification from role-playing an infant. This can involve submission on the adult baby's part. Diaper lovers receive gratification from the wearing and often using of diapers. Whilst these two paraphilias are distinct, it is common that a person who enjoys one will also enjoy the other to some degree.
Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.
Ageplay: Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).
Auctioned off: Dominant auctions off the slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).
Bad pain (1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Bad pain" is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or no value in this context.
Bad pain (2): Good pain and bad pain refer to pleasant vs. unpleasant pain. As a "vanilla" example, imagine soreness after a good workout at the gym versus the pain of breaking a leg. Research by Jay Wiseman has suggested a correlation between perception of "bad pain" during BDSM play and subsequent injury.
BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism
Black sheet party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.
Blackmail: Commonly referred to as consensual blackmail. Where a submissive provides material that would be undesirable or have personal or career consequences for them if it were made public, to force them to stay in a relationship, the material can also be in the form of naked photos or videos of them or such material taken as part of BDSM sessions. Commonly used as part of consensual non-consent, where they can only refuse to perform an activity or have an action performed if such material is released to the public or some individuals.
Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
Bottom: submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene.
Brat / Bratting: A sub who behaves disobediently, mischievously, or uncontrollably; often to provoke a response. This dynamic is consented to by both parties, where the top is often referred to as a "brat tamer"
Breast bondage: The act of tying female breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge.
Breast torture: Torture of the breasts.
Breath Control: The dominant controls the submissive's breathing.
Butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. The flared base allows for safe anal penetration. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate.
Chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
Cock and ball torture (CBT): Torture of the male genitals for sexual gratifcation.
Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A dominant may have multiple persons collared. Also: a pup's status, as differentiated from a "stray".
Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub's service, or the "ownership" of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.
Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and common sense, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
Contract: A written-out agreement between the dominant & submissive. It can be either formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by the dominant and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two. It is not legally binding.
DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety.
Dom: Man or woman who exercises control (from dominant-contrast with sub)
Dominant Man or woman who exercises control - contrast with submissive
Domme: Woman who exercies control (see also Dominatrix)
D/s: Dominance/submission
Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space
Edgeplay: SM play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. This can be potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or breath play. Skill and experience can minimize the risk.
Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high" people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body's response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.
Enema play: Gratifying or sensual sexual arousal experienced from enemas. Enemas are also used in sadomasochistic activities for erotic humiliation or physical discomfort.
Erotic humiliation: Humiliating someone during a sexual act. This act could be either verbal or physical (for example, insulting a partner, making a partner display their private parts to a group of people, or even urinating or defecating on a partner). It can be a great source of pleasure for some people.
Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also tease and denial and chastity).
Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
Figging: Insertion of a piece of peeled ginger root into the anus, vagina, or urethra.
Financial domination: (Also known as money slavery or findom) is a sexual fetish associated with a practice of dominance and submission, where a submissive (money slave, finsub, paypig, human ATM, or cash piggy) will give gifts and money to a financial dominant (money Mistress/Master, findomme/findom, money Dom/Domme or cash Master/Mistress).
Fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Risk of injury is increased and the top should be learned with fire play skills.
Fisting: Inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum.
Forced orgasm: Where a subject has no control in being brought to orgasm, either through physical or mental restraint. May also be used where a female is continuously brought to orgasm to the point of it becoming painful, uncomfortable, or numb, rather than being pleasurable.
Free use: An arrangement in a dynamic where the dominant can initiate sexual activity with a submissive at any time.
Genitorture: Torture of the genitals
Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
Good pain (1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Good pain" is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or value.
Good pain (2): Good pain and bad pain refer to perception of pain as pleasant vs. unpleasant. Sensations that non-practioners imagine to be painful are instead perceived and described by BDSM practitioners as pleasurable or a good form of pain, in much the way that muscles after a workout at the gym may be sore, but in a good way. The transition of perception from "bad pain" to "good pain" may require a warm up beforehand.
Gorean: A sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman. Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender based roles which is considered by many to be in conflict with BDSM where there is freedom for either gender to act in any role (Male/Female as either Dom/sub or Top/bottom)
Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.
Handkerchief codes: Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest
Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable.
Harem: A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
Hogtie: Tying up a submissive's wrists and ankles, fastening them together behind their back using physical restraints, such as rope or cuffs.
Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
Inspection: A form of scenario play, usually in a Master/slave-like relationship, where a submissive has to strip naked at the command of a dominant and adopt a pose to have their body, posture, grooming, and appearance inspected. They may also have the execution of other duties examined during this time. During an inspection, areas of their body and their state may be examined. After an inspection, a sub may be rewarded for passing or punished for failing. Inspections may also be performed for eroticism or objectification, either in private or in view of others.
K-9 roleplay:
Kinbaku (Shibari): Literally means "tight binding.". Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage which combines elegant simplicity and intricate patterns into Kinbaku-bi ("beauty of tight binding.")
Kinky sex: Any sexual act that is generally considered to be unconventional
Klismaphilia: See enema play.
Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.
Soft limits: What someone "won't" do or is hesitant to do
Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
Master/slave: A consensual relationship in which one person receives control (the Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An extreme form of D/s which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a collar from their Master to show that they are owned.
Mummification: Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a "vanilla" place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's"
Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
Nose torture: A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks.
Nyotaimori: Human sushi platters.
Over the knee (OTK): (spanking).
Pain slut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
Paraphilia
Pegging: A sexual practice in which typically a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo.
play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in Scenes.
Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.
ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money)
ProDomme: Female professional dominant (charges money)
Puppy play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is sexual, but also focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup and the complete dominance of his/her Trainer/Master.
Pussy torture: Torture of the vulva or vagina for sexual gratification.
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Rape fantasy, ravishment: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.
Rhaphanidosis: Insertion of a piece of radish into the anus.
Rope bondage: The act of tying up or binding a person with rope such as in Japanese Kinbaku.
Ruination: Bringing someone to the edge of orgasm and preventing climax. See also Edging (sexual practice) and Forced orgasm.
Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
Safe, sane and consensual - SSC A guideline, used by some in the BDSM community, that emphasizes ensuring that activities are safe, all participants have capacity to give consent, and explicit consent is obtained from all parties involved. This approach is sometimes contrasted with RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), which emphasizes informed risk-taking over predetermined notions of safety.
Safeword - When a participant utters a safeword, BDSM activity stops.
Scat play: Feces play
Scene: A time period of BDSM activities. Also used to refer to the BDSM community ("the Scene").
Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people's sensory limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flaggillation and edgeplay.
Service-oriented submission: A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment
Slave: A person (usually submissive) who consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their Master)
Soft Limit: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene.
Squick feeling: Discomfort with certain kinky activities. It can also refer to someone who has no interest in the activity – it "squicks them out" – but who has no prejudice against the play or people who participate. It is believed that the word is a combination of "squirm" and "icky" and is used to imply an uncomfortable feeling mixed with disgust. The term is used instead of disgust because that word implies moral repugnance to the act.
Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
submissive, or "sub" for short. Person that gives up control either all the time or for a specified period (Not to be confused with "bottom.")
Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/top take responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub's wellbeing if they are in subspace.
switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.
Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM aspects.
Tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial).
Tit torture: The act of causing deliberate physical pain to the breasts and nipples.
TNG: The Next Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations which cater to younger people involved in BDSM, typically ages 18–35.
Top: Person "doing the action" (contrast with bottom - person receiving the action.) Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who "puts the scene together". A male Dom could enjoy CBT and tell a sub what they are to do. In this case the Top is the submissive (following the direction of the Dom) and the bottom is the Dom (receiving the attention of the top)
Topping from the bottom: A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
TPE or Total power exchange: a relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority and influence over the submissive's life, making the majority of decisions.
Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
Vanilla: Someone who is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.
Warm up: The period at a beginning of a BDSM scene which involves gentle play, allowing the bottom to begin endorphin production, enter subspace, and undergo physiological changes (such as bringing fluids to the surface before impact play) that will accommodate more intense play.
Wax play: The top drips hot wax on the bottom.
WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.

Note that some people in the BDSM community begin dominant terms with an upper case, for example: Top, Master, Dom, Domme, etc., as well as to begin submissive terms with a lower case, even where normally incorrect, chiefly in acronyms and abbreviations, such as D/s for Dom/sub.

In addition, high protocol refers to groups or individuals that adhere to strict roles and role-based rules of conduct, whereas low protocol refers to groups or individuals that are more relaxed. Old Guard refers to high protocol groups, particularly gay leather BDSM groups: see Old Guard leather.

BDSM glossary

BDSM glossary

See also

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